Types of People I Dislike On Facebook

These are some types of people I dislike on Facebook.


1) The Facebook Guru.

Example: “Life’s not about how many breaths you take, it’s about the moments that take your breath away.”  – Someone ❤

So many of my friends do this all the time, and I don’t get it. It’s like, are you the next great American (or insert nationality here) guru? Have you made some intense epiphany, and instead of sharing what it is, post some crappy platitude about it? That’s why Facebook has a “quotes” section in your profile, you moron. Especially when two or more quotes are posted in a row. Well, now what am I supposed to believe? And…do you actually know who this person is, or if they actually said the quote? There was a cool BuzzFeed the other day about misattributed and misappropriated quotes, from Shakespeare to Audrey Hepburn. Marilyn Monroe seems to be the biggest scapegoat – she probably wasn’t that witty in real life. I mean, she started out as a factory worker. A welder, I believe. Then she was an actress. Welder + pinup girl actress does not = great guru of a generation. And posting some probably made-up quote makes you look like an idiot. Look, I can make up a quote too!

“This world is not only one where we can look up at the future, but dig up the past.” – Elmer Helfensprudle ❤ archaelogy ❤

“A pencil may not be a pen, but it has a point.” – Mary Cecilia Potter-Wallace, 18th century English poet

“A lover is like a brassiere: he should be soft, he should support and uplift you, and when he is released in bed, you should feel free.” – um…Marilyn Monroe?

2) The Facebook Prayer Warrior

Example: “My prayers go out to Nigeria – 54 dead today 😦 6.10.13 😦 ”

Ok, so most of these are probably pretty sincere. Hurricane Sandy, Sandy Hook, Boston, etc. Some are not so important. But first – do you really care that much? Second – are you really praying? Third – Did you even spend time meditating on anything today? Fourth – does it make you a better person? Fifth – Are you doing it just because everyone else is? Answers: 1) No, probably not, just doing it because it seems appropriate, everyone else is doing it, and maybe someone will give me a like. 2) and 3) I know most of my friends pretty well, and some I can conceivably see praying every day, but most, probably not. 4) No. It does not change anything that happened, and it does not make you a better person. It usually makes you look a little desperate for attention, in my opinion. 5) Yes. It’s okay to put important news on Facebook, but just clogging up the feed by repeating 86 other peoples’ statuses without even offering me any new information, news-wise or personal, is a waste of feed space for me. Ugh. I can’t even. Moving on.

3) Posting that Your Life is Awesome

Example: “My life is so awesome right now. I love my job. So blessed <3”

BUT IS IT? Because mine might be, or it might not. If it is, then whatever. If it’s not, well then, screw you. Bragging about how awesome your life is is something that shouldn’t be done in real life, so why do it here? Actually, in real life, people usually tell you more about how much their life sucks, rather than sitting around basking in their own glow all day – but apparently Facebook is the place to vaguely bask. This happens mostly with my young actor friends. Being in the theatre field but not an actor (well, primarily) and reading these posts from you – ok, so you’re doing something that you like and worked hard for…good for you? You don’t see people like “I cut an old lady’s hair today and made her smile – I love being a hairdresser,” or “Changed a tire for someone on the freeway. He said thank you. AAA = best life ever,” but some of those people may enjoy their jobs just as much as you do, but they shut the hell up about it. Also, some of us losers don’t get to have these opportunities and don’t want to live vicariously through your ridiculously amazing life and your awesome Facebook statuses. Rarely do I post anything about dramaturgy being “effing amazing” or “so incredible” unless I do something really, really cool like that time I carried rocket shells through the streets of Jerusalem for the Israeli government. Either tell us something cool about what happened to you, or just shut up. Well, mostly, just shut up, because no one cares that you got to ride a horse or dance dressed up like a swan or die in a sword fight. It’s not a sin to be happy, but keep it in your pants a little more often, people. Also, “blessed?” Overused and on the dislike list. Meh.

In short? Status does not = status symbol.

This rant has been brought to you by Facebook and annoying people on it.

Also, adding to the words/phrases I dislike list: “working backwards,” “polish,” “fella/fellow,” “I’m beat,” “straight play.”

Oh, and even though I did get to do dramaturgy today, and make a presentation to actors, two things I enjoy doing and I went to school to learn (read: largely teach myself) how to do and want to keep continue doing, today sucked.

One thought on “Types of People I Dislike On Facebook

  1. Pingback: I Had One More | That's So Jacob

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