Let’s Take the Limo to Target

So, quick life update: even through all my slacking, I managed to get my final paper of the semester finished and turned in at about a quarter before midnight last night. It seemed that the more I wanted to focus, the more things distracted me. And when I was actually focused, I got a call, a text, or there was a Hanukkah party. Oh, and happy Hanukkah, everyone.

But I got it done, and to reward myself, I slept in today (well…I’ve kind of been sleeping in every day since classes ended, but today I actually had no need to get out of bed) and didn’t leave the apartment until about 5 PM, at which point I went to Kohl’s to get my reward for surviving another semester and managing to get some good grades: a Keurig. The coffee maker I have is okay – it works well and it’s survived 3 moves between 2 states, but I just kinda wanted a Keurig because they’re cool and would probably prevent me from going out for coffee as much as I do, which is still not very much but I could always do less of that. Kohl’s had a Keurig Mini on sale for $99, and with coupons, Kohl’s membership, and other fun things, I managed to get that plus an extra starter pack of K-cups for a grand total of $67.46. Not ideal, but still not too bad.

After I got a bite to eat, I was on my way home and suddenly had a desire for panettone. You know, the crusty, delicious Italian fruitcake that is actually for Christmas but I have adopted it as my Hanukkah go-to food. So I go to Metcalfes, and I buy some grapes and some bread, but after perusing the store thoroughly, there is no panettone to be found.

As I sadly exit the store in defeat, get in my car, and drive away, I see in front what appears to be a gigantic black limo just cruising past the store, towards Target.

Now, who in their right mind would take a limo to Target?

First of all, the only time I’ve been in a limo involved either a funeral or an airport. It was pretty late in the day for a funeral, but could you imagine?

“Yeah, we have to get to the cemetery for Aunt Sue’s service, but it looks like it might rain and it’s graveside, so let’s hit up Target on the way and get an umbrella, and maybe some gloves.”

“Oh, and it’ll probably take forever, so let’s get some snacks…Doritos, anyone? Cool Ranch? Or maybe something quieter, like fruit snacks?”

“Oh, and we need gum, too. Definitely gum.”

“I know Aunt Sue’s dead and all, but since we’re going to Target anyway, do you think it would be okay if I picked up a Tide pen and a new iPad case? I’ve needed those for awhile.”

“Yeah, oh, and some body wash, since it’s on sale this week.”

Second, if you had your choice of cars, why would you choose the limo to go to Target? “Oh, let’s take the limo to Target. Neat idea.” Who are you trying to impress? You’re going to Target, not Neiman Marcus. Are you buying that much stuff? I know that most Targets have huge parking lots, but if it’s crowded, where are you going to put that thing? Or are you going to have your driver just circle around for awhile? And if you do park, you’re quite likely to get dinged by a rogue shopping cart…let’s face it, a limo’s a pretty big disaster target.

Hey…Dumb Starbucks, meet Disaster Target.

I like it.

In other news, Whole Foods had panettone tonight. It was just okay.

 

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6 thoughts on “Let’s Take the Limo to Target

  1. Maybe one of the workers at Target won a day with a limo, and wanted to show their colleagues? Or perhaps they won the lottery, and ditto. Or Richard Gere was going to pick up Debra Winger who is now temping there as a check-out girl. Or the limo belonged to a fabulously rich girl who wanted to see how normal people live. Or a man importing platypusses got to the airport and there was a mix up with transport and Robert de Niro had got his car, and he ended up with the limo. Or…no that’s it.
    You should try making bread and butter pudding with panettone. It is sublime.

    • It might have been, but it was really late at night. I think that might have also been the same night Ciara and I got chased by white supremacists. Despite the fact that we’re both whiter than white.

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