Terrible People, Part 2: Constantly Chewing Things

This one wasn’t inspired by anything that I saw today, but it’s been on my mind for a little while. So here it is.

Everyone knows someone like this, or has seen someone like that on TV. I know I sure have. It seemed to be all the rage on the most recent season of Survivor; at one point almost everyone was chewing on something, usually like a toothpick. Mike, the eventual winner, was rarely seen without something in his mouth, including during challenges and tribal councils. But that begs the question, where on the island did they get toothpicks? And if they weren’t toothpicks, then what were they? Dirty chips of wood they found on the ground? That seems…nasty.

Survivor Second Chance cast vote results Mike Holloway

Taste like a million dollars, Mike?

I have to admit, sometimes I just need to chew on something, but usually I use some gum or candy. Occasionally, if I am wearing long sleeves, I’ll chew on one of them, and when I was younger I used to chew on paper and cardboard, but it wasn’t all the damn time.

But seriously, it’s unattractive and gross to watch half-masticated pieces of wood rolling around between your teeth. It doesn’t make anyone look tough; it just makes people look stupid, like they had a popsicle and forgot to take the stick out of their mouth once they finished it. It’s like, are you that dumb that you don’t know when the popsicle’s finished and you’re just chewing on cold, potentially-tongue-splintering wood? And a tongue splinter would probably really hurt.

Stop it, you’re not that great.

I don’t have much more to say on this topic, but people, we’re not beavers. Stop chewing all the damn time.

Unless you are a beaver, in which case, hi there literate beavers! How’s the dam coming along?

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7 thoughts on “Terrible People, Part 2: Constantly Chewing Things

  1. For me; people who are constantly chewing show two weakness to me:
    A. They have serious communication problem.
    B. They are lack of confidence.

    Vivienne

  2. THIS is why you’re one of my favorite bloggers! I also want a popsicle now, thank you very much, but the popsicle, not the stick…

    I also replied to your book recommendation for the Blog Book Club, I’m not sure if you got it. You might not have, because “I” somehow lost your comment for days… One I still can’t find. Blame the government, I guess. Anyways. Since “I Do Not Come To You By Chance” isn’t my typical read, I wanted to wait for you to read it and tell me how you like it! If you like it, we will definitely do it for July’s Blog Book Club.

    US Lifestyle Blog // rebekahkoontzsite.com

  3. My father always chewed on a toothpick. He entertained himself doing tricks with them; rolling, standing them up in his mouth. One day he swallowed one. The man went into panic mode. Someone told him to eat a couple slices of dry bread to help work it thru his system.

    Anyway, it is quite unattractive to see. The only thing worse is chewing tobacco. Yuck!

    • That’s awful. Reminds me of a newspaper clipping on the bulletin outside the costume room at school; it’s an article by a costume designer in Sydney, Australia who swallowed a straight pin while fitting an actress in a dress. It’s incredibly gruesome; first, she describes eating a cotton ball sandwich, then, they found out it ended up in her lung and she needed serious surgery to remove it. I get the heebie jeenies just thinking about it.

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

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