“Oh, I don’t snack.”
One of the greatest lies ever told.
I’m guilty of telling it, but at least I’m honest about the fact that I’m lying about it.
Snack foods are one of those things that everyone likes, but no one admits to. Kind of like soda, which I wrote about a while back. I’ve grown to like snack foods a little less ever since I’ve lost interest in potato chips, and learned about things like hydrogenated oils and corn syrup and its connection to the crude oil industry, or something like that. Still, I might have some snacks at a party, or if someone else is offering them to me, but I tend to not buy them. Or if I do, I justify. I’m a major, major justifier. Here are some of the statements I’ve used to justify my purchases.
“Popcorn! What a fun and healthy snack!”
“Oh, these Cheez-Its will be great to keep in my office, my students polished off the last box.”
“Oh, Kedem tea biscuits. They’re gross, but I should buy some because Erin likes them. Even though Erin lives in Oregon. But it’s her birthday, so Erin, these are in your honor.”
“Here’s some Twizzlers. I’ve been really good today, I held the elevator door for someone and I deserve it, and by the time I walk back to my car, I’ll have burned a deficit of calories so I’ll need it.”
“Bridge mix? Where have you been? Hiding in the 1970s, huh? Let’s reunite…”
“Goldfish! The snack that smiles back! Wonderful, I could use a smile. Plus, don’t they count as seafood? And seafood is great for you, so in the cart you go, little fishies!”
I also buy some essentials, like bread and bananas and spinach leaves, just so I can feel healthy, and those things usually so straight into the fridge, because they need to cool off a little before I eat them. But I’m hungry now.
And that’s how I ended up pounding Cheez-Its on my couch at 11:30 on a Saturday night.