That’s Not My Face

Warning: rant ahead.

So I have this one friend, who happens to not be white (okay that sounds weird, kind of like I only have one non-white friend, which is actually not the case), and every time there is a young white male in the news, he always goes “you look like you could be [person in the news]’s twin/older brother/cousin.”

I have told him time and time again, I know that yes, it’s a stereotype that all Asians look the same, but I do not look like all or any of these people. Seriously. He’s compared me to everyone from Josh Duggar to some guy he met on the bus, and yesterday, he told me that I could be Brock Turner’s older brother. Despite the fact that we look absolutely. Nothing. Alike. If it’s a joke, it’s gotten way too annoying, but still, no.

That’s probably one of the least flattering things anyone’s ever said to me.

5 thoughts on “That’s Not My Face

  1. I so get this, but from your non white friend, even though I am white. Anyway nearly thirty years ago we left an almost 100% white Ireland to go to Australia, stopping in Bangkok on the way. We were amazed how we could not tell if someone was the mother, daughter or even in some cases, to my shame, the grandmother.
    One and a half years later we stopped there again on our way home from living in a multi cultural society and couldn’t believe how we had ever thought such a thing.
    Thankfully we have never regressed.

  2. thatssojacob,

    I personally think that your rant is completely justified… in your place I would be offended too. I have however found that remarks like this often spring from a lack of education rather than maliciousness.
    I have a friend who out of the blue in a discussion about politics used the “N” word to describe black people. I was shocked, (I am white so it wasn’t directed as any insult to me, but I NEVER use this word). After a little bit, I asked the friend would mind if I mentioned something a bit personal, they said OK, and I explained that this word is DEEPLY offensive to many people and should no longer be part of our language today.

    I described the way it has been used in the past to belittle and dehumanise people and that in the 21st century we should no longer use this word because of the connotations it has and the offence it causes.
    My friend was horrified, in their country it is considered just a regular word and they had no idea it was offensive. I was thanked for letting them know and they will try hard to never say this word again.
    Maybe you need to choose a good moment to take your friend aside and tell him that what he is doing is really hurtful to you, that if you said similar things to him it would be considered deeply racist (which it is).
    Choose a good moment, be calm and make it clear that if he values your friendship then this HAS to stop. That it isn’t funny and treating it like a joke only makes your feel more hurt.
    Depending on how much you value this relationship, then maybe you could also add that if he chooses to persist then you can no longer be friends because you can not tolerate his racist behaviour.
    What you need to calmly communicate is that this behaviour is serious. It’s not light hearted banter and it’s no joke. If he says anything like ” can’t you take a joke?” then you need to reply something like “sorry, I find no humour in someone being racist”.
    Hopefully that will do the trick and he will desist in this behaviour.
    Choose your moment, don’t have this conversation when you are angry. Good luck!

    • Teehee, I do spruce up pretty well; it’s actually been awhile since I’ve changed up my blog’s look. I keep meaning to make it more personal eventually but for now this preset template with the self-made banner will have to do. Thanks for visiting!

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