Rolls and Ghosts, Goals and Roasts

Yeah, weird title, I know, but it’s been a weird, weird day. At the risk of this being another blah post about the uneventful part of my life, I have to say that I have no clue why I’m so tired today; I slept until 11-something, got up, got my hair done, went to the office, then did a huge bunch of errands, including going to Graphite, Kohls for their Father’s Day sale (where I scored some pretty sweet deals), Woodman’s, the gas station, Whole Foods, and Starbucks (where I caught up on emails, reading blogs and started my pleasure reading for the day, all while trying not to slump over and fall asleep), and now I’m back in bed, hanging out on the blog, and I feel like I could just drift off right now even though it’s only 11:30…and I didn’t even go to the gym today or anything that physically taxing, other than walking down the long, long aisles of Woodman’s, and putting my 14th 16-pen-pals-in-2016 letter in the mail box (hint hint: that means I want to write hand-written letters to two more people, so if you want one, here’s your chance!)

So this is almost like a staying in and getting real night, except I’m not really skipping anything to do it, and that’s why it isn’t. Great rationalizing, Jacob.

Anyway.

So, I’m starting to think my summer reading goals (each day = 1 book for prelims, 1 play, 200-300 pages for pleasure, and an article if I finish all that) are a bit unrealistic. I think that as of today, Thursday, I’ve read 2 books for prelims, a few plays and maybe 200 pages for pleasure, and if I want to catch up, I need to read 4 more books for prelims by the end of tomorrow, which is probably not going to happen, since all I’ve read today is for pleasure, and I probably did not even retain most of that. Either way, I am welcoming suggestions as to if I should restructure this so it’s not a chore, and how to do so. And also welcoming suggestions for my Library Ephemera reading challenge, hint hint, you know you want to click it and vote 🙂

And as far as the roast.

I’m not as creative as Ryan Higa, Jenna Marbles, or Superwoman, but I enjoyed watching their roasts of themselves that they posted on their respective YouTube channels today. It’s refreshing in this day and age to see people who don’t take themselves too seriously, and appreciate the value of a good laugh brought about by some sarcastic and well-placed self-criticism. I don’t make videos, but if I did, I would, so here’s the next best thing:

That’s So Roasted: A That’s So Jacob Roast

So there’s this guy Jacob and he has a blog

He claims he’s a good writer but his words come out in fog.

Almost 1400 followers, but less than 100 hits a day

There’s something about this dude that makes them want to stay away.

He’s always taking posts down and rearranging

Like the leaves on the trees and the seasons always changing

He makes bad puns that sometimes make no sense

And wraps it all up with an obscure reference

Half his posts are unfinished, sometimes just a title

And nothing that he says is anything close to vital

He says he won’t make this blog blah and bitchy like a livejournal

But he breaks his own rules all the time, and his posts are always nocturnal

He’s like an NBA player or a Doomsday clock

With 70% of what he writes published at 11:59 on the dot

Just to get in a post to keep a streak

Then he’ll take it down, edit it or update it in a week

He’s always promising he’ll write more stuff of substance

But he never really does [insert phrase that rhymes with substance]

He sometimes goes to blogs, reads, and asks people to comment or follow

And he’s scared to get political, knock on him and he’s holloooooooow…

There’s no rhyme or reason, and he’s constantly savin’

And his name is a just a rip-off of That’s So Raven

A show no one likes, just like Flip-the-Script Friday

Now he’ll press the Publish button so WordPress will register that he wrote today.

That’s. So. ROASTED.
::mic drop::

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17 thoughts on “Rolls and Ghosts, Goals and Roasts

  1. Seems like one of those average days….I have so many of them I can totally understand this! 🙂
    The roast was a funny one. Summer reading goals…I’ve never accomplished so much 😀

  2. You’re so funny… And I just can’t think of a substance rhyming phrase. Hmmm…. I’m usually up for rhyming anything. I’ve been feeling tired too. If fact I wrote a poem about it last night. Maybe there’s something in the air here in Wisconsin. The government is secretly gassing us and trying to kill us off slowly. Funny… some prople actually believe this. 🙂 I’m excited to get a letter. I wrote a poem awhile back about the importance of handwritten letters. It’s unfortunately mostly a lost art these days. Have a good day and keep on writing!

  3. Ahahaha, I too have seen the Roast Yourself Challenge by Ryan Higa, Jenna Marbles and IISuperwomanII! All of them were fantastic! I definitely had to read your challenge in some kind of rap beat, and it totally worked! I laughed so hard at the [insert phrase that rhymes with substance] part 😂

  4. Really. I am not going to miss another post… You have major reading goals. I’m reading a novel of over 800 pages, not even a quarter way through yet!

  5. Is this the post you meant? It’s great! Your reading list is very ambitious – I wish I had the time to tackle a list like that. But hey if you’re still looking for penpals I wouldn’t be opposed to participating – I’ve always wanted to give it a shot but I’ve never known any letter writers.

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