8

Iss Mah Birthday!

It’s not my blogiversary, but it’s my life-iversary.

Today, I spent some time alone, and some time not alone. I picked apples, found a geocache, did a crossword puzzle, talked with my mom/dad/sister, drank iced coffee, ate sushi and birthday cake, went to the gym, lit a candle, sang to myself, watched some funny videos.

Happy 31st birthday to me.

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23

On Hanging Something Up

Wow, a normal-hours post! Something I wish I did more often, but inspiration doesn’t strike me in the middle of the day usually, and/or I have other things to do that I can’t do in the middle of the night, but since I a) got three full pages of writing done today for prelims (double spaced!), b) don’t have enough time to drag myself, my chair, and my books to the sixth floor to read out in the sunshine before I should head to the gym so I can get there before it closes, and c) have something to write about that’s not too long, here goes.

So, today is the birthday of one of my across-the-hall neighbors. Even though I already wished her a happy birthday on Facebook, I decided to tape a Happy Birthday note to her door, because I like taping nice notes to peoples’ doors. So I wrote the note, and then I couldn’t find any tape to put it up with.

Now, if you know me well, you know that I always have at least three rolls of tape in my apartment at any given time. I use packing tape when mailing stuff, Scotch tape for various things, and duct tape because who doesn’t need duct tape. And of course, one of the few time I actually need one of those items, I can’t find it.

So, I look around my apartment for tape, anything adhesive. I spot a box of Band-Aids on the counter and take one out. Then I realize…how ghetto would it be to hang something up with a band-aid? Probably very, very ghetto. I don’t want my neighbors to wonder exactly why I used a band-aid, and if it’s germy or gross, or whatever. The next thing I find is one of those rolls of stickers. This one has aliens on them. Yeah, that’s not that much less ghetto than a band-aid, even if it is kind of cute – I don’t want my neighbors, again, to be all…that guy, who doesn’t own any tape. BLASPHEMY.

Anyway, after scouring my apartment for way, way, waaaay too long, I see a roll of clear packing tape under the coffee table. I grab it, tear and oblong piece off, and then go and tape it to the door, just as the elevator opens and a girl comes out, and with my luck, it would be the birthday girl…

…I sprint down the hallway…

…but it wasn’t, it was one of her roommates. I poked my head out of the door, and she said, “was that you sprinting away from our door?”. “Yeah, it was me.” The birthday roommate, she told me, is on vacation in Hawaii for a few days. We had a good laugh about it.

And that’s how I tried so hard not to make it weird that I actually made it weird.

5

What Adults Are Thinking At Birthday Parties for 2-Year-Olds

What time is it starting? 4:00 PM? Okay, I can leave the house at 3:45.

Wait…do I bring a present? What if I do, and no one else does…won’t that be weird? What if I don’t, and everyone else does…am I heartless and cruel?

Screw it, it’s 3:57 and I’ve gotta head out. I guess I’ll be fashionably late.

Wait, two-year-olds don’t really know what fashion is. Do they even know what birthdays are yet?

4:10 PM. Okay, officially heading out the door.

Okay, I’m here, not the first and not the last.

Wow, there are no other children here except for the one who’s having a birthday, and ironically, the only one refusing to wear a party hat.

Thank goodness I’m not the only one without a gift.

Let’s see…who’s here?

Oh, he’s here. Ugh. He tries way too hard to be funny.

And there’s the chick in her thirties who’s sitting on the floor, pretending to get the birthday girl’s attention with toys, but secretly enjoying playing with dolls without being judged. To her knowledge, at least.

Some guy I don’t know, some girl I don’t know…are these friends of the parents or is their kid part of MENSA?

Oh look, Fat Libby’s here. Of course, she’d be here, she can sense an event with free food two miles away.

Speaking of food, what a spread.

Of course, no one’s eating, because we are adults and therefore always dieting, even though there are little signs saying “diet fruit punch,” “gluten-free pizza,” and “cupcakes made with free-range eggs.”

Except the salad, fruit, and veggie platter, which are gone in a flash, and the water pitcher that the hostess is constantly refilling.

Oh, look! The one couple with an actual child is here! This means it’s officially a birthday party for a child and not a bunch of adults sitting around in party hats without alcohol.

Cake time! Let’s sing! And again! And again!

Adorable cake, let’s cut it!

The birthday girl gets the first slice. Also getting cake: her face, her hair, her dress, the floor, the chair she’s sitting on, her mom’s blouse.

Five minutes later…no one else is having cake. Of course.

Oh, wait a minute…here comes Fat Libby. Go figure.

Two slices of the giant cake gone.

Time for presents!

Here, have this card, even though you can’t read it yet. Total waste of $3.95. He could’ve scribbled on a piece of construction paper and it wouldn’t make a difference.

Sucker.

Wow, toys! What a surprise! Yes, you can play with them now, in the middle of the room, with all of us watching. That’s not at all creepy.

Oh look, the adults are playing with the toys. The child is elsewhere, exploring the boxes and bags they came in.

Okay, it’s been like thirty-five minutes, party’s over, can I go now?

“Happy second birthday” ::hug and kiss the adorable birthday girl:: ::chorus of awwws::

Well, that’s over. Now back to my regular schedule of doing nothing.

11

Just Some Fixin’s

Today was a pretty blah day here in Baltimore: not too cold, but not sunny at all, kinda like the last few days. I’ve been basically going back and forth between the car dealership (new keys, tire pressure check, help me out with features, blah blah blah), and doing errands (haircut, bank, post office, etc.) and attempting to read at various Starbucks around town but inevitably getting interrupted by a phone call or something.

So, I decided to fix two posts that were bugging me, and I will link you to them presently:

First, my birthday post from this year. Two of the videos were not showing up, now you can watch all five of my favorite happy YouTube videos.

Second, my trip to Trempealeau County, WI and Winona, MN with Rahul. Posted originally on June 1, 2014, but I must have gotten distracted because the post ended in the middle of a sentence.

Please enjoy and take care while I brainstorm something interesting to post about for the coming week.

5

How To Spend Your Birthday Laughing Instead of Crying

So, I turned 27 years old today. Happy birthday to me.

It started off with a fire alarm at 8 AM, but other than that it was mostly a good day. My parents sent me cookies, Twizzlers, and coupons, and even my sister gave me a call. I even got a surprise bag of donuts.

As most people who know me know, my birthday always brings me anxiety. It only comes once a year and then it’s gone. 364 days until I am special again. It’s also a symbol that yes, that number’s only going up, but I have to just remind myself that it’s a good day, a happy day, just for me. It also helps that tomorrow is my lunar birthday, so that kind of softens the blow going from balloons and singing to…nothing. Here’s another thing about me: I love it when people sing me the birthday song on my birthday.

It also helps to know that although I’ve probably had more memorable birthdays than this one, I’ve undoubtedly had much, much worse ones.

What I do know:

Today, I am having a happy birthday. I am so glad that I am alive, healthy, and independent. I am safe, and I am free. Those are the best gifts I could ever receive.

But enough sappy stuff.

I spent much of my morning watching videos that make me laugh and smile, so in addition to ones I’ve already shared, here are the top five videos that will fill your birthday with laughter and happiness.

Top Five Videos that Make Me Happy

5. Clueless as performed by the Golden Girls.

4. Wanda Sykes goes skiing.

3. Rosie O’Donnell and Bea Arthur singing the Maude theme song.

2. Ellen DeGeneres and her cubicle.

1. Aliens singing the birthday song.

Oh, and a bonus video, of course.

I just imagine Celine is singing right to me.

 

 

 

6

27 Things I’ve Learned In My 27th Year Of Life

So, I just spent time I should have been studying going through my blog and reliving the past year, good and bad, on this, the eve of my 27th birthday. And I realized that I’ve learned a lot of things about myself and the world. Take notes, if you like.

November 2013

1. I can, in fact, memorize 55 pages of lines and recite them three times a week for two weeks. Maybe my acting career isn’t dead after all.

December 2013

2. Coffee cup lids are evil.

3. Cheese and crackers are Wisconsin’s answer to chips and salsa.

4. Einstein Brothers Bagels is always a bad idea.

5. I can drive down a country road through an ice storm.

6. But I need to scrape the ice off the windshield first.

7. Underground parking is a must in the Midwest.

January 2014

8. Car shopping sucks. Get a new one before yours dies in Mount Airy with all your stuff in it.

9. I can blog by talking into my phone. Technology!

10. Lacrosse has been the official team sport of Maryland since 2003.

11. The battle of Bunker Hill did not actually occur on Bunker Hill.

12. I will probably never develop orthorexia (thank goodness)!

13. Wisconsin is cold.

February 2014

14. Naps are underrated.

15. A true friend is one who listens to you cry and make unintelligble sounds for a solid half hour on the phone.

March 2014

16. Identity theft sucks.

17. Southwest Airlines offers free alcoholic beverages on Saint Patrick’s Day.

April 2014

18. Seeing your school lose in a sports game is still depressing, even as a grad student.

May 2014

19. Making good on resolutions is so not my thing.

June 2014

20. Arguing about race in high school musicals is one way to end a friendship.

21. Getting fined for horseplay in a state park is a horrible way to end a day trip.

July 2014

22. I own so much crap.

23. When bunking with three friends in a hotel, make sure your phone’s ringer is turned off at night.

August 2014

24. My favorite wine still exists, but it’s only available in Puerto Rico now.

25. Turkey burgers are fun and easy to make.

September 2014

26. Frustration is futile; forgiveness is fantastic.

27. I am a good person and I can make it on my own.

and as a bonus

28. I’m actually a pretty good cook.

So there we go.

27 years old…bring it on.

This post was inspired by my new online crush Taryn Southern‘s “Awkward Lessons from Instagram” video. Thank you, don’t sue.