That’s SoMG: Potty Training Kelly

I thought I had heard all of my dad’s stories, but here’s one that slipped past the radar for…28 years.

It started when my dad got a work email while we were in the car on the way to BWI last week. Even though he’s retired. He asked me to read it to him. I can’t remember what it was about, but it was from someone named Kelly Greenberg.

“Heh,” I went, “Kelly Greenberg.”

My dad offered, “I had a client once, a 3-year-old little girl named Kelly Green.”

“Really? A 3-year-old sought you out for legal advice?”

“Well…obviously not, but it was an exciting case actually. I never told you about Kelly Green?”


That’s So Jacob presents:

That’s SoMG: Scandals, Secrets, and Shockers That Will Make You Slap Your Hand Over Your Mouth

Episode 3: Potty Training Kelly

Maryland, sometime in the late 20th century.

Since the statute of limitations is long up, and the name is pretty generic (and makes the story what it is), I’m using the real name.

So, one time, some parents (ostensibly Mr. and Mrs. Green) were potty-training their daughter, Kelly Green, age three. Things were going pretty well, until one day…they weren’t. Kelly started having accidents, and they weren’t sure what was causing it. However, they had recently started using a brand of bubble bath marketed at children, called Soaky.

Eventually, they connected the bubble bath with the incontinence problem, and sought my dad out for legal help. Through the work of a chemist, they found out some alarming statistics.

  • The product was meant for and marketed towards children, but it had only been tested on adults.
  • After some medical testing, Kelly Green’s vaginal pH level was found to be unusually high, even for a child, making her very sensitive, so much so that it caused incontinence (it can also cause yeast infections).
  • The product had no warning labels on it as to age limits or side-effects, even though, again, it was marketed towards children, and young girls have higher pH levels than adult women, making their bodies react differently to different substances.

So, my dad represented Kelly Green and her parents as they sued the makers of Soaky, and eventually, won a lot of money.

And that’s how I learned about the effects of bubble bath on young girls on a ride to the airport.


Jayne Mansfield: “Cool story bro.”