18

Emily Pudding

That’s So Jacob Presents:

That’s So Nom: Treats and Eats from Jacob’s Completely Amateur Kitchen

Episode 6: Emily Pudding

You’re probably saying to yourself, “well that’s an unusual title for a post.” And I am here to say…that yes, it is. Lost night, a friend of mine on Facebook posted a meme game describing your burlesque name: the name of your first pet + the last thing you ate. I have never had any pets, other than a few fish whose names I’ve forgotten (I think at one point I had a Lars, an Abigail, and a Goldie, or something like that) but in seventh grade, I had a plant who I called Emily. I also had two cacti around the same time, called Lenny and Squiggy due to their resemblances to David Lander (Lenny was tall, spiky and skinny) and Michael McKean (Squiggy was a short, fuzzy, round one). I can’t remember what type of plant Emily was – she might have been a flower, or some ivy – but maybe this is a sign that I should go and buy another plant and name her Emily. And the pudding refers to an unusual pudding dessert/treat/thing I got from one of my favorite recipe sites, The Picky Eater Blog, run by Anjali.

The recipe is for Chocolate Mousse with Raspberries, but I couldn’t find any raspberries (not the season) and it ended up more like a pudding, so it shall hereby be known as Emily Pudding. Here’s how to make it.

  1. Toss a half cup of chia seeds, 1/4 cup of chocolate PROTEIN powder (fitness for the win), 1 cup of milk, and 1 squeeze of honey into your grandmother’s ancient blender.
  2. Blend a little, and when the machine starts to rattle because it forgot how to blender, turn it off, give it a stir, scrape the excess chia off the sides, and blend again.
  3. Chill for 15 minutes. In the fridge. The gloppy mixture, not you.
  4. Scrape it into a bowl, add in 1 cup of fat-free Greek yogurt, and mix it with a mixer.
  5. Notice that it’s a little more chewy than creamy, and tastes a bit off, so add some sprinkles of Hershey’s unsweetened cocoa powder.
  6. Finish most of it yourself while watching TV.

Serves 1 hungry Ph.D. and 2 girls across the hall who enjoy pudding.

This is Emily Blunt eating pudding.

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8

Some Really Bad Homemade Food and Some Really Awesome Airport Food

I originally published this post on December 27, with the intention of finishing it when I got home later that night, but that didn’t happen, so here it is.

So, that morning/afternoon, I was doing the usual, lazily packing and at the library and stuff, when I realized that I was running out of time before going to the airport and needed to eat something. So I opted for Kitchen of India’s Biryani with Rice Pilaf. The image on the packaging looked tasty enough, but I suspected something was up when one of the instructions was “break up the material in the package with a spoon before heating.” I did so, and then heated it, but it in a bowl, and…terrible. I got through two bites before throwing the whole thing in the garbage. I hate wasting food, but it tasted that bad. It smelled just fine, but I could not get over the pungent, smoky taste of the thing. And at this point, I was officially out of time and had to hightail it to the airport to catch my first flight of the day, to Minneapolis.

Once in Minneapolis, I had to walk what seemed to be forever (and judging by the pedometer on my iPhone, I certainly got more than enough walking in that day despite sitting on two planes) and ended up in the G terminal, AKA the really fancy one with the iPad tables and the food court thing. I was hungry, and I had brought with me the rest of a loaf of bread. Now, the challenge was to find something to put on said bread that was not ridiculously expensive. Either that, or settle for an overpriced airport meal. Fortunately, in my wanderings around the food court, I took a second look at the salad bar/hot bar, and noticed that they had tuna salad and couscous a la carte, and at $8.99 a pound? I shoveled about two large scoops of each into a container, and along with a Snapple, paid just $10.79 for enough tuna and couscous to make two sandwiches, with some of each left over, and it tasted pretty good too, and I could’ve gone way, way unhealthier. So score for me.

Next week’s flight back to Madison is connecting through Atlanta, so hopefully I’ll have enough time to go over to the fancy food court in their airport and get something.

1

A Hot Food Review on a Chilly Day

The other day, I went to the store and bought some new foods to try over Christmas. One of them was Patel’s Dal Tadka Lentil Curry.

According to the packaging, it is a product of India, but is distributed by Raja Foods out of Skokie, Illinois.It doesn’t have a kosher symbol on it, but it bills itself as “100% Vegetarian,” so I’m inclined to believe it.

In terms of preparation, it took about 2 minutes in the microwave, and came out looking a little soupier than the picture on the packaging, but it still smelled and tasted all right. It was not very filling and it was not as spicy as I thought it might be, despite having cumin in it, but it was still decent. Would buy again.

For tonight’s dinner, I’m trying some Near East Quinoa with Rosemary and Olive Oil. Although, since I had to add my own olive oil, how much could possibly be in there?

I had a feeling this post would be painfully boring. Don’t worry, tomorrow I’m heading home to Baltimore via Minneapolis (west to go east?) for a few weeks, so that will be an adventure there, and getting there.

 

4

Worn-out Wednesday

Just when you think you can’t get more worn out, something happens, and you find out, well, maybe you can.

How am I today, on the final day of finals week and a week before the end of 2015?

Answer: A complete and utter mess. I haven’t slept very well for a few days, and despite going to bed at 1:30 last night, I didn’t get out of bed until 1:30 this afternoon, by which time it was almost dark again because I live just below the Arctic. Once I was awake, it took me several hours to get out of bed, showered, dressed, and some food in me, despite a massive headache and stomachache. Eventually, I got out of the house to grab a baguette, crackers, candy, and soda, and sat at Kung Fu Tea for a few hours. Once I was feeling good enough to drive, I headed out to grocery shop for the first time in probably over a week, so I wouldn’t be constantly eating more meals out.

Since Christmas is coming up tomorrow night and it’s doubtful that if I missed anything at the store tonight I would be able to buy it before the weekend, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity, and since I’ll be doing a lot of cooking for myself over the next few days, bought a few new things to try out, which I will hopefully enjoy. Even though it’s 11:30 at night and I should probably go to bed soon, since I’ve had maybe one and a half meals today, I will try one of the items now and report back on it tomorrow.

20

The Snack That Does Not Smile Back

“Oh, I don’t snack.”

One of the greatest lies ever told.

I’m guilty of telling it, but at least I’m honest about the fact that I’m lying about it.

Snack foods are one of those things that everyone likes, but no one admits to. Kind of like soda, which I wrote about a while back. I’ve grown to like snack foods a little less ever since I’ve lost interest in potato chips, and learned about things like hydrogenated oils and corn syrup and its connection to the crude oil industry, or something like that. Still, I might have some snacks at a party, or if someone else is offering them to me, but I tend to not buy them. Or if I do, I justify. I’m a major, major justifier. Here are some of the statements I’ve used to justify my purchases.

“Popcorn! What a fun and healthy snack!”

“Oh, these Cheez-Its will be great to keep in my office, my students polished off the last box.”

“Oh, Kedem tea biscuits. They’re gross, but I should buy some because Erin likes them. Even though Erin lives in Oregon. But it’s her birthday, so Erin, these are in your honor.”

“Here’s some Twizzlers. I’ve been really good today, I held the elevator door for someone and I deserve it, and by the time I walk back to my car, I’ll have burned a deficit of calories so I’ll need it.”

“Bridge mix? Where have you been? Hiding in the 1970s, huh? Let’s reunite…”

“Goldfish! The snack that smiles back! Wonderful, I could use a smile. Plus, don’t they count as seafood? And seafood is great for you, so in the cart you go, little fishies!”

I also buy some essentials, like bread and bananas and spinach leaves, just so I can feel healthy, and those things usually so straight into the fridge, because they need to cool off a little before I eat them. But I’m hungry now.

And that’s how I ended up pounding Cheez-Its on my couch at 11:30 on a Saturday night.

8

Raw Food and a Raw Deal

So much is going on in the world today, but as for me, I have finally decided to take a tighter hold on my eating habits.

As of 48 hours ago, I have subsisted almost solely on raw food. My only exceptions have been yogurt and peanut butter, because who has time to make those items from scratch unless you live on a farm.

I’ve always been of the opinion that a healthy diet consists of moderation. Protein, carbs, sugars, fats, all in harmony, just never too much of one thing. Carbs are not the enemy; well, not all carbs (hey, maybe that can be the next Facebook/Twitter movement, NotAllCarbs) but the majority – potato chips, white bread, sugar cookies – are just empty calories.

But now, I think it’s become time to purify my system, and maybe this raw food thing is the way to go. So far, my meals have consisted of:

  • Breakfasts: Yogurt and banana (the only fruit with more protein than sugar)
  • Lunches: Egg whites, salmon, tuna and lettuce
  • Snacks: Salad (sigh), chicken soup, post-workout green smoothie
  • Dinners: Chicken, some sort of veggies to pretend to enjoy
  • Drinks: Water, coffee, tea, water with sugar-free lemonade powder

I spent most of my day looking forward to my post-workout smoothie so I could have something sweet in my system. So, as you can see, my life is terribly exciting. Yeah…not so much. In fact, I’m miserable. I feel like I can’t eat anything. How do people live like this for days and months on end? Maybe, just maybe, if I make a list of foods I’m craving here, it’ll help me stop thinking about them all the damn time.

List of foods I miss:

  1. Sushi. (I wonder if I could get away with nigri or sashimi and still be on the wagon)
  2. Chocolate-covered almonds/bridge mix.
  3. Twizzlers.
  4. Frappuccino.
  5. Caramel Macchiato.
  6. Diet Coke.
  7. Cookies.
  8. Popcorn.
  9. Pretzels.
  10. Muffins.

I guess that’s not too bad or long of a list.

Here’s to Day 3, I guess.

But I don’t have the rawest deal of the day.

After Donald Trump’s crazy rant about Mexicans being drug lords and rapists, he’s been losing traction. First, Univision canceled the airing of Miss USA and Miss Universe, which, by the way, is two weeks away. Then, individuals started dropping like flies: judges including former Miss Universe Zuleyka Rivera, the entertainment, the Spanish-language commentators, and Farouk Systems (the hair and makeup stylists). Today, NBC officially announced that they are dropping Miss USA from its airing schedule. So, basically, 51 women who have already traveled varying distances to the pageant (well, I guess Miss Louisiana didn’t have to go too far, given that it’s in Baton Rouge this year) will either a) not get to participate in something they’ve been preparing for for the better part of a year, or b) be denied the privilege of having their non-present family members watching them getting crowned. Either way, it’s most likely that these poor ladies wasted thousands of dollars on travel, gowns, and other preparation-type-things.

Prepare for some epic backlash. Meanwhile, I will prepare some vegetables.

 

16

There’s An App For That

Not once, but twice this week, from two different people, have I heard the phrase “half price apps.” 

I assumed they meant apps, as in those things you download and play on your phone, but then I realized what they were talking about, which was…appetizers.

I’m not a huge appetizer person. Most of the time I can’t eat whatever is in them, or they just sound…well, unappetizing, which is kind of antithetical to the point of the word. The only appetizers that I take seriously are tuna tataki and bruschetta; pretty much everything else seems to be just “here, pay us more money for less food.”

Tina, don’t bother. They’re just overcooked, overpriced, and overly fattening.

 

But when did they become known as apps? That’s what I’d like to know. Is this new terminology, or is it just our cult. of shortening thgs? (C wat I dd thr?)