0

That’s The Way The Matzah Crumbles

Well that was fun.

As you know, Wisconsin made it to the Final Four last year and lost against Kentucky, but this year, they managed to surpass that, defying all the odds (well, the odds of making it to the championship in general being rather slim, when you consider how many teams are in Division I basketball; they were a #1 seed this year) and it was really exciting.

Not so exciting was flying back to Madison from Baltimore and landing roughly at the time the championship was ending.

I changed planes in Minneapolis, and as soon as I arrive and make it to my terminal, the TVs are all tuned to the game. Since Duke is the opponent, and they’re based far, far away in North Carolina, the bulk of the terminal are Badger fans. They’re leading at the half, and then we have to board the plane, for what will be the weirdest flight ever.

First of all, it’s a flight from Minneapolis to Madison, which is pretty ludicrous in and of itself, since they’re only 3-4 hours apart by road, and it’s a tiny plane. Second, everyone on the plane is either wearing Badger red and glued to their smartphone/laptop/iPad or munching on matzah, or both, like the mother/daughter pair across the aisle from me. When the cabin crew announces the “turn off all electronic devices,” a few people manage to keep watching the game for a few minutes, until the captain says over the intercom:

“Listen, you all need to turn off your electronic devices. I know it’s the game, but it’s regulation. We’ll try to have you on the ground as soon as possible, but until then, just enjoy your flight. We will not be offering a complimentary beverage service, but

Mind. Blown.

An in-flight score service, who knew.

The excitement builds as we take off and sail over the two states. True to their word, the flight attendants keep us updated on the score, and it’s close to an even score as we land in Madison, and the cabin goes dark in preparation.

We land.

The lights come up, the phones go on, and the first thing I see it a text from my dad:

“Wisconsin loses.”

Oh gosh.

I don’t know what this means.

A big part of me is disappointed, but just as much of me is curious as to what will happen, if it’ll be a danger zone, and part of me is relieved, because all the crazies will be leaving Madison just as I’m attempting to get a ride in. Fortunately, a lady a few rows behind me asks me where I live, and turns out we’re a block from each other, so she called a cab for us before we even left Madison, which was super nice of her. We end up sharing with another guy, a stats professor, and get home rather quickly.

The rest of the night is quiet at least.

And again, that was fun.

On Wisconsin, I guess…?

4

The Struggle is Real

Sometimes, it’s Passover, and you have peaches for dinner with tuna for dessert.

And you have your apartment being shown tomorrow and everything is covered in matzah dust or books. Or both.

And you’re pulling out every trick in the book (games, food, Golden Girls, blogging) to avoid finishing your paper which you could do in about five minutes but you just don’t want to.

And you realize you can’t make matzah ball soup because you don’t have Kosher for Passover cooking oil which costs like $12.99 at the store.

And you realize you have about six hundred pages of reading over the next few days, in addition to APO and dance obligations.

And you’re having trouble enrolling for next semester because you probably waited too long to make up your damn mind about which classes to take.

And you just kinda feel like you’re waiting for something to go wrong.

Well, more wrong than being grabbed around the waist and freaking the fuck out in front of your entire dance class.

5

Top Ten Things a Stoner Might Say on Easter

In honor of today being both Easter Sunday and 4/20, I thought I’d make a list.

 

Top Ten Things a Stoner Might Say on Easter

10. “Man, these little green plastic streamers aren’t working…what did you line the kids’ Easter baskets with again?”

9. “I have risen! Hahahaha just kidding I’m so totally not high right now.”

8. “You seen a big tall rabbit anywhere around here?”

7. “Under my Easter bonnet…no one can see how high I am.”

6. “I’ll show you how this Easter Egg rolls…”*

5. “GIMME YOUR CHOCOLATE BUNNY, LITTLE GIRL IN MARY JANES”

4. “Haha, Mary Janes.”

3. “Dude. I want some ham.”

2. “Mmm…baked ham. Hahahaha”

1. “Whatever man. Is Taco Bell open today?”

 

Whether you did Easter or did drugs today, hope you had a good one.

It’s still Passover, so I did matzah today.

 

*Can’t take full credit for this one. My friend Hannah told me that even though Madison is a hippie-dippie kinda place, they had an Easter egg roll on the Capital lawn rather than some sort of marijuana-related event, which surprised me. I then suggested that they hide chocolate eggs and charge stoners $10 to find them, to which she suggested that if there was a way to stuff a slice of pizza in the egg, that would be even better.

0

Children Are Always Cute When Saying the Four Questions

And that’s just about the only time.

Yeah, I’m being serious.

Small children at meals usually mean that I need earplugs and two Advil. There’s just something about their voices screeching in unison at unholy pitches that just goes straight through the brain. With babies it’s somewhat more tolerable, since they don’t know what they’re doing, bless ’em. It’s the walkers-and-talkers who are germ-spreading, attention-seeking little future-people.

But at the Passover seder, it’s different.

The first night, I dined with YJP (which was supposed to be at the Concourse, but ended up moving to Chabad, oddly enough) and there were no children, so that was cool.

The second night, I returned to Chabad for an undergrad seder. Basically, it was four long tables of loud, obnoxious undergrads over whom the rabbi had to shout the seder.

At the normal point, the rabbi asked everyone to quiet down for the Four Questions, which the youngest children traditionally sing. The baby is still a baby, but fortunately most of the wild undergraduate elephants quieted their roar for the shy, overshadowed middle child to say the four questions with the help of his father. The talking got a little louder when the older, outspoken one started to do it double-time, English interspersed with Yiddish, but strangely, I found myself siding with the kid rather than the crowd. Maybe I like the underdog, or maybe I just intensely dislike the JAPs who go to Chabad because a) their parents told them to and b) they’re getting free food. And they’re probably going to hit up Wendy’s or Chipotle at the soonest opportunity. Or maybe because it’s actually a legit part of the seder.

The cool part of the seder was, after dinner, the rabbi directed anyone wishing to sing more songs over to our table. Because that’s how we Chabad regulars roll.

Not a lot of new visitors over the past few days, but welcome to The Bahamas. Bring friends. And now that I have people who actually read/comment…I’m taking suggestions.