9

You Get Me, You Kill Me

This morning, I woke up at around 6:00 AM.

I didn’t do it for any specific reason, although with the amount of work I have to do I probably should have.

And it wasn’t a lovely, natural wake-up.

So, last semester, I had these neighbors who I referred to as the Muslim Sisters. For a while, I actually thought that they were the same person, since they were around the same height and weight and wore full-body burqas all the time. I began to get suspicious when I saw one out back in a pink floral burqa taking pictures of some birds on the lake and then walked upstairs to see who I thought was the same girl, in an all-black burqa. I deduced that my neighbor was either an incredibly talented quick-change artist, or more than one person. I was actually kind of hoping it would be the former. That would be a fun story. Anyway, apropos, I found out that actually three people lived in that apartment: the two girls were actually sisters-in-law, and they lived there with a guy who was married to one and the brother of the other, who I saw exactly once, in the elevator.

When I came back from winter break, I noticed that their names were whited out on their mailbox, so I asked what was up, and apparently they decided to go back to Saudi Arabia, where they were from. I guess the winter really did a number on them, although it was probably for a different reason entirely. I asked if I would expect any new neighbors, and they said no, they were going to redo the apartment. Completely.

I had no idea what that was going to mean.

So basically, for the past few months, six days a week, there are a few hours of banging, hammering, drilling, sonic booms, music, and chatter from the apartment next door. I just thought it was a little redecorating or something, but I looked in one day and the entire thing was gutted. Apparently the fixtures were really, really old and in need of repair. Much like my oven, which doesn’t get that hot, and my burners, which sometimes have a burning smell and sometimes don’t work at all.

The worst part? It all happens opposite the wall where I sleep. So when I wake up to drilling sounds, I always have this image in my head from Friends.

I can just imagine Matt (the guy who’s doing most of the drilling, not LeBlanc) coming over and being like, “did I get ya man?” But he won’t hear a response, because I’ll be impaled.

And if not, I’ll get to practice my Matthew Perry impression.

I better get on that.

In other news, thank you to Don Charisma for re-blogging me and introducing me to a whole lot of new blog friends, because watching my views go down from averaging 200 a day to averaging 20 a day was kind of depressing. Oh, and greetings to Bangladesh and Brunei, who showed up between last night and this morning.

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Knock-Knock, Who’s There?

First of all, big welcome to visitors from my three newest countries: Austria (wilkommen!), Mexico (bienvenidos!) and Guam (hafa adai!). And an even special welcome to getting visits from all 50 states with my first click from Montana. In your honor, I will post a picture of your flag.

Well that was fun.

Wouldn’t it be disappointing if that was it?

Anyway, second of all, where did all the people who were visiting my blog go? Please come back. I had over 600 of you the other day; what did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Can we patch things up?

But that’s not the actual post either.

So, I don’t know what’s going on with me lately – maybe an advanced case of frost on the brain, because it’s halfway to March and it’s still so fucking cold – but there has been weird stuff going on around me.

Maybe I’m spending too much time alone, but I’ve been hearing weird noises in my apartment. Not just at night, but during the day as well. I mean, there are the normal sounds – cars, motorcycles, garbage trucks, loud music playing, people talking, blenders whirring, and when I’m in my bathroom, the farts, flushes, and showers of the people above/below me (totally gross, btw, and one of the reasons I can’t wait to leave here) – but then there are sounds.

Some of the sounds are perfectly normal in context, like knocking on a door. Sometimes I hear other people’s apartment doors being knocked on, but I know when it’s mine. The past few days, I’ve been hearing a very near knocking sound, and this morning actually rushed to my door, finding no one there. Also, there’s tapping, like someone is gently tapping on the walls. Sometimes, in the area of the refrigerator, I hear a snap/crackle sound, like the fridge is adjusting itself.

I’m not sure I believe in ghosts; I certainly haven’t seen any, and other than that one day in the religion center where a stereo spontaneously started playing in the Hillel Lounge in front of me and two witnesses, not much in the way of supernatural experiences. But if this building’s haunted, I deserve the right to know.

I don’t want to wake up one morning to see…this.

Yes, I’m looking at you, Jennifer Connelly.

Wait…I don’t have a tub.

Phew.

Safe for now.