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Better Names for Jobs

Today, I was driving past the middle school I always pass when I head into town, and I noticed that the crossing guard’s vest said “traffic whisperer.” As I drove away, I thought to myself, that’s interesting. I wonder what other jobs could be like that…

Hearse driver, or Lyft for stiffs?

Boathouse owner, or sea shanty?

Bartender, or cocktail therapist?

Dairy farmer, or moo-keeper?

Rabbi, or Jew-keeper? (sorry, couldn’t resist)

Barista, or caffeine puller?

Front-line soldier, or battle croaker?

TSA agent, or metal wizard?

Drummer, or beater?

Pianist, or ivory tickler?

 

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Shopping and Snacking

Raise your hand if you snack when you shop.

Anyone? Everyone?

I’ve heard talk of eating a meal before you shop to sate your hunger and control your impulse to buy snacks while shopping, but honestly…it’s not worth it. Just get the snack. Don’t make it too unhealthy, but get the snack or else you’ll regret it. Today, I went to 2 grocery stores, a bookstore, and Walgreens. At the first grocery store, I saw a box of tomato basil crackers on the clearance shelf. Nothing wrong with them, so I bought them and enjoyed them. At the next grocery store, I bought a black cherry soda, and I actually forgot about it, so I had a nice treat when I got home. It will make you happier and feel more like an adult. And look at it this way: the more you shop, the more calories you burn.

Does not apply to shopping online.

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What’s In My Entourage

Yes, I say what, and not who. You’ll understand by the end of this post.

Hello from Memorial Library, by the way. There’s something about blogging from a desktop that is way more satisfying than a laptop or a phone. I should look into doing this more often.

I usually don’t take too long to get ready to go out. Unless it’s winter, and I need my entourage. Simply put, my entourage is everything that I’d need for the day, and if I’m leaving anytime before noon, I need to make sure I have all of these things with me. Sometimes it requires multiple trips to the car. Most often, I end up not needing the majority of the items, but it’s good knowing that they’re with me, I guess. Here’s the lineup:

Entourage Checklist

  • Wallet
  • Phone
  • Earbuds
  • Keys
  • Sunglasses
  • Backpack (usually the majority of what’s listed below is in the backpack, if it fits)
  • Notebook
  • Journal
  • Hebrew-English dictionary
  • Translation pages
  • Index cards
  • Pens
  • Pencils
  • Crayons
  • Tape
  • Scissors
  • Address Labels
  • Scrap paper (to wrap things in)
  • Books for research
  • Books for pleasure reading
  • Books to be finished and swapped
  • Post-it flags
  • Comb
  • Hand cream
  • Tissues
  • Bookmarks
  • Sunscreen (finally removed now that winter has arrived)
  • Change purse
  • Laptop
  • Power cord
  • Phone charger
  • Headphones for laptop
  • Gym bag (usually contains the following items)
    • Shirt
    • Extra shirt
    • Underwear
    • Gym pants
    • Towel
    • Body wash
  • Empty cloth bags for grocery shopping
  • Cloth bag with Latin shoes/extra socks
  • Cloth bag with Standard shoes/extra socks

When I roll, I roll deep.

I might be a pack rat.

 

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Silver Notes on the Guitar

Yeah, no idea what to write.

I’ve had this weird feeling lately, really ever since my birthday, that something strange is about to happen. I don’t know if it’s political, or personal, or maybe fall in the air, but something is just pushing me in a weird direction. Falling asleep late at night, waking up in the morning, zombie until afternoon, frenetic until late at night, repeat.

At least I’ve been dancing nearly every day of my 30th year so far.

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Behind A Car Window No One Can Hear You Scream

Now that I’ve gotten that exciting title out of the way…

I had to walk back from dance class tonight in an insane downpour. When I got into my car, it looked like I had one swimming. I was just so done with the day that all I could do was break out into song.

So I sang.

“Party in the USA.”

AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

while driving.

It felt great.

I managed to get through “Oops! I Did It Again,” “Single Ladies,” and “All I Want for Christmas is You” before I made it home. I was still wet wet wet but at least I got to screw up lyrics and basically scream all the way home, knowing no one could hear my screeches through the wind, the windows, and the rain.

What’s your go-to car sing-a-long song?

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A Slightly More Than Expected Day

One of the questions asked at tonight’s APO meeting was about the most interesting thing that happened today.

Normally, I don’t find my days that interesting, especially today, which I spent the better half of in bed. Once I got up, however, the following things happened.

  • I put an earring into a drunk man’s ear.
  • I bought a salad for lunch and left it sitting in a bag on the sidewalk.
  • I admitted publicly to doing both of those things.
  • I was sitting outside and writing a check to send in the mail with my Kohl’s bill, and just as I was finishing, a bird pooped on it.
  • I went to Target, and though I bought plenty of other things, the fruit snacks I bought did not make it home.
  • For a block, I drove down the wrong side of the road. Fortunately, there were no cars coming.
  • My right ear hurts like crazy (not the ear canal, but slightly under the ear) and I hope I don’t have an infection or anything.

It’s been quite a rough 24 hours for the world, but hopefully this post will cheer some of you up.