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Terrible People, Part 3: #Hashtaggers

#Annoying.

This blog post has been brought to you by the hashtag, otherwise known as the most annoying Internet trend of the 21st century.

It started on Twitter, as a way of linking posts on common topics. I heard about it then, and thought “gee, that could get annoying,” even though it did serve a purpose. (I do not have a Twitter account, that being one of the reasons). But then, it shifted over to Facebook. And now real life, from advertising to clothing to everyday speech.

And I’ve had just enough of seeing and hearing it everywhere.

It’s lost its original purpose. Now, a hashtag is just an excuse for someone to say more unnecessary things, because we live in a world where everyone a) talks too much, and b) doesn’t value or understand the meaning of silence. Take a break once in awhile, people. You’re not that great, and your multiple hashtagged Facebook posts aren’t helping anyone or anything; they’re just cries for the attention that you probably don’t deserve. You could say the same pointless thing with words with capitalization, punctuation, and correct spelling soidonthavetospendtenminutesfiguringoutwhatthehellyouretalkingabout.

I know it sounds a bit harsh, but here are some of the more ridiculous hashtags that have popped up on my Facebook feed in the recent past (as in the past three hours, capitalization provided for emphasis):

#LevelUp

#CantTouchThisDananana

#TenStaples

#AfternoonWalk

#CrossingTheLake

#TinyBallerinas

#TheResemblanceIsUncanny

#WhereDoWeCashIn

#MaybeDukeNeedsAGirlfriend

#SpookyFaggots

#AiportSwag [sic]

#FlexForChrist (seriously?!?!)

And the absolute worst…

Drumroll please…

The people who hashtag THEIR OWN NAMES.

I really, really wish I was kidding. But I’m not. So far I’ve seen two people do this. The first, a girl hashtagging her rap name to promote her new album, is more on the understandable side but still not quite there. The second person is a guy who hashtags his own name, among a sea of other random hashtags, several times a day. I’m pretty sure that he’s single, but deeply in love with himself.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what humanity has come to in 2015.

You, sir, are a Terrible Person.

No, not a #terribleperson, but an actual Terrible Person.

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7

Terrible People, Part 2: Constantly Chewing Things

This one wasn’t inspired by anything that I saw today, but it’s been on my mind for a little while. So here it is.

Everyone knows someone like this, or has seen someone like that on TV. I know I sure have. It seemed to be all the rage on the most recent season of Survivor; at one point almost everyone was chewing on something, usually like a toothpick. Mike, the eventual winner, was rarely seen without something in his mouth, including during challenges and tribal councils. But that begs the question, where on the island did they get toothpicks? And if they weren’t toothpicks, then what were they? Dirty chips of wood they found on the ground? That seems…nasty.

Survivor Second Chance cast vote results Mike Holloway

Taste like a million dollars, Mike?

I have to admit, sometimes I just need to chew on something, but usually I use some gum or candy. Occasionally, if I am wearing long sleeves, I’ll chew on one of them, and when I was younger I used to chew on paper and cardboard, but it wasn’t all the damn time.

But seriously, it’s unattractive and gross to watch half-masticated pieces of wood rolling around between your teeth. It doesn’t make anyone look tough; it just makes people look stupid, like they had a popsicle and forgot to take the stick out of their mouth once they finished it. It’s like, are you that dumb that you don’t know when the popsicle’s finished and you’re just chewing on cold, potentially-tongue-splintering wood? And a tongue splinter would probably really hurt.

Stop it, you’re not that great.

I don’t have much more to say on this topic, but people, we’re not beavers. Stop chewing all the damn time.

Unless you are a beaver, in which case, hi there literate beavers! How’s the dam coming along?

11

Terrible People, Part 1: The Person Who Smokes Their E-Cig Like It’s Nobody’s Business

I actually had a pretty nice day today, but something’s been bothering me for awhile, so here’s a new series to commemorate that fact. It’s called Terrible People. You all know some of them, and I sure hope you’re not one of them. I’ve written before about bad people, bad habits, bad parenting, and other things I don’t like, but terrible people just deserve their own special place in [fill in the blank]. If you’re that type of person that likes everyone, good for you, and here’s an anchor because you’re probably a pushover.

Now that that’s settled, ladies and gentleman, here’s today’s featured Terrible Person. This would be the person who smokes his/her e-cigarette like it’s nobody’s business. Anytime, anywhere, always. Indoors, outdoors, and in between doors. I get it, you’re trying to quit smoking – that’s great – or that you’re trying to save money – understandable – but please, take it elsewhere. Just because it’s not strictly a cancer stick doesn’t mean it doesn’t smell like one and bother the heck out of everyone else in the room.

At another school, I had a class with some girl who had the chutzpah to light up during class, not even joking. Like a Christmas tree. If Christmas trees smoked e-cigs. Right in the middle of discussion. It was disgusting. First of all, isn’t it illegal to smoke inside university buildings? And if not, it should be. Second of all, just because it’s fancy does not give you the right to pretend that we’re in a hospital in the 1950s. This includes sauntering down the hallways too. Again, no matter what the cigarette, the smell is bothersome so take it outside, if you must smoke at school.

You, sir, are a chimney and a terrible person.

Okay, mostly I’m just sick of smokers. There, I’ve said it. Health reasons aside, it’s terrible for the environment, for teeth, and for getting out of clothes. Seriously, some garments take at least two washes to get the smell fully gone. And no, it’s not the same as a “pleasant, woodsy smell,” even if you are smoking pine needles or a Glade plug-in. The past few days, I feel I’ve been ambushed by them, everywhere I go. It could be someone walking a half block ahead of me, or just through a wayward wind gust. I was out on the Terrace yesterday trying to read and do homework, and had to move tables twice because some idiot’s addiction of choiced started making me light-headed. I don’t mind the smell of cheese curds, or brats, or beer (actually, some beers smell sweet and homey) but one person with one cigarette can just ruin the air quality for everyone.

I am sure there are good reasons for a person to smoke, but do it in your own home, or somewhere that’s not where people are reading/eating/congregating for extended periods of time. But when you do it in a public place, full of people, you’re basically saying, “I don’t give a crap about any of y’all because my nicotine level is too low and I can’t be bothered to excuse myself, in more ways than one.”

So there.

Now, I feel the need to write a more positive post to counterpoint this one, so stick around.