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Four Word Heartbreaking Stories

I didn’t do it.

I told her everything.

I couldn’t hold on.

You never heard me.

We need to talk.

It all ends tonight.

He’s not coming back.

My life is over.

It cost me everything.

She died last night.

He never told me.

I thought you knew.

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Oh, Passover…

About 48 hours to go, and although I haven’t quite hit the signs of “too much Passover” yet, I’m getting there.

Literally, I’m thinking about food 24/7, waking up in the night hungry, and pounding down the matzah just wishing I had some hummus. And I can’t even remember the last time I ate hummus.

Anyway, I should probably go and get some reading done for fun in this brief break between writing deadlines.

Keep the faith, celebrate your freedom, and chag same’ach, y’all

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Staying In and Getting Real Night, Part 6

Another Sunday night, another Golden Girls marathon. It’s the episode where Stan becomes attached to a toy monkey, so mute goes the television. Time for staying in and getting real.

So what’s new with you? I’m stressed, as usual, and there’s noise coming from the hallway which will become a real problem if I feel like going to sleep anytime soon. I had a bad week last week in terms of healthy eating, so I skipped the dance team dinner at Great Dane, yet managed to come home from Whole Foods with not only almond butter, protein, and veggies but also a container of gummy stars to reward myself for…well, nothing.

Which brings me to my next topic, or lack thereof. Dissertation. I have a meeting coming up in 2 days to talk about it, and I still have no idea what “it” is, or will be. I’m pretty much at the same place I was four years ago. I thought I’d have it all figured out by now. I feel like I’m probably going to end up googling “how to pick a dissertation topic” because yeah, I should probably start working on that idea sheet. I mean, I have a few ideas, but nothing really concrete enough to gel into a game plan. Granted, it’s still (closer to) the beginning of the semester, and I guess if all else fails I can change my topic. I do know what I don’t want to do; even though I really enjoyed researching the Romani of Central Europe and their performance practices, I feel like I’ve probably exhausted 95% of the sources available to me. Probably very few new books on the topic have come out in the last few years, if any at all. I was even surprised to find one article of interest, in a Canadian journal. Even though language barriers are tough to overcome, ethnic barriers are nearly impossible, and I honestly think that there’s a certain point that I, as a white American, cannot penetrate, either for ideological reasons or because there’s simply nothing on record.

I really want more gummy stars but at 11 PM I said to myself, no more for the night.

Dinner was a lazy salad – threw together some lettuce, onions, cucumbers, Craisins, and tomatoes in a tupperware, tossed it with oil/vinegar/lemon juice, and called it dinner. Not too satisfying, but I’ve got some sparkling water to hopefully sate myself.

I know these posts are super boring and totally against the original purpose of this blog, but what are you going to do. At least it’s real talk and not just pointless word vomit, a la LiveJournal.

Oh, and in other news, I got some reading done today, outdoors even, and I’m close to finishing two books, and I haven’t even finished a single one since February started, so that’s something.

Okay, time to zen out and meditate in order to dissertate. Ommmm….

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Ten Things I Don’t Understand About Myself/Things I Do But Don’t Know Why

I haven’t made a good list in a while, and it’s like having a good cry, so here goes.

Ten Things I Don’t Understand About Myself/Things I Do But Don’t Know Why

  1. I do laundry, but I cannot fold it until I know that there is something online or on TV that I want to watch so I can multitask. I can’t fold laundry without doing something else at the same time, and since laundry-folding requires two hands, TV just requires my two eyes.
  2. I wash dishes…in the morning, while my coffee is being made. Yep, that’s the only time I will hand-wash dishes. Usually I am still in pajamas so if I get splashed it’s not such a huge deal. That’s somewhat logical, but why not just wash them right away? And today I got Starbucks before going to work rather than making my own coffee, so…sorry, sink full of dishes.
  3. I can’t play Words with Friends while walking. Doesn’t work for me. Must be either seated, standing, or lying down.
  4. I never have any clothes, and then when I go on shopping sprees and spend a lot of money on clothes, they all seem to disappear. Currently, I’m down to two pairs of khakis, two pairs of dress pants, and ONE pair of jeans. Jeans don’t seem to last long, especially if you have an active life and are walking around campus all day.
  5. I tell everyone that I keep my car clean, but it’s really not clean. I mean, the front seat is okay, sometimes has some papers or pens on it, and the backseat isn’t bad, but I throw stuff in the trunk and have no idea how much has accumulated back there until I have to squish things to get my groceries in.
  6. I can’t ever have just one piece of gum. Right now, for example, I’m chewing four pieces, like some kind of barbarian.
  7. I have an order of how I read books, but I’m constantly forgetting it/changing it.
  8. I have shows I watch religiously online, but I’ve never seen an episode of said show live/on TV. Yep, the Late Show, Colbert Report, Late Late…and I’m usually awake, too. Watching clips on YouTube.
  9. I never use anything handicapped, except bathroom stalls. I feel like it’s just a bad omen, from parking spots to using ramps instead of steps. I think I walked up the ramp to get into my building once, because I was talking with someone, and I had a split-second anxiety attack. Handicapped bathroom stalls are fair game, because it would be quite rare for me to be using the stall when an actual handicapped person might need it, and if I’m in there, I’m usually out pretty quickly.
  10. I wait all day to post something, just before midnight. Even though I sometimes come up with multiple ideas a day, it takes me until the witching hour to get it down. It doesn’t matter whether I have a free hour for lunch or something, it doesn’t get from brain to blog until this time of day, when I’m already tired and stressed.
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Finally, the Week is Over

So it’s been kind of a lackluster week. In terms of ideas for posts, I’ve had a few, but not enough time or wherewithal to get them written down. I haven’t read any quality scripts lately, I’ve been too tired to read much of anything. Hopefully this coming week will inspire me to write something more quality than the posts I’ve been writing recently.

I can’t technically call this a Staying In and Getting Real Night, because I went out to a show tonight, but here’s just a general life update. Even though I only danced one night this week and went to the gym one night this week, I weighed myself and I’m a few significant pounds lighter. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been eating as much; from Monday-Wednesday, I’m usually busy for a several hour block of time in the afternoons, during which I have no opportunity to eat, and rather than eating too much unhealthy food, I’ve probably just been eating too little. I’ve done a pretty good job staying away from certain foods, but I confess to eating a box of Mike and Ikes, chocolate chip pancakes, banana bread, some donuts, some cookies, and a few other pastry-type things this week. Even so, I’ve still lost some weight; I was much better this summer in terms of eating healthy foods and at a more regular schedule, and I was still gaining/maintaining weight. Now that I’m kind of less strict with my eating, my weight is going down. I wonder why.

But enough about my weight. My lesson planning was particularly on point this week, and now I have access to a service where I can share information with the students’ parents (at the elementary school, not my college students). Plus, tomorrow is Farmer’s Market Saturday, and Monroe Street Festival, where I’m getting paid to dance.

Apartment is still a huge mess, so maybe I should take care of that before saying good night everybody.

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Ten More Ways to Soothe Your Summer

It’s all come down to this…tomorrow is the big day.

Prelim Exam A.

I think I’m going to have a headache, stomachache, vertigo, and nausea all at the same time. This morning I went to a pancake breakfast at the elementary school where I’ll be teaching starting next week, and got to meet all the parents and students; already, it seems like a lifetime ago. I spent the rest of my day talking with some friends on Facebook, rereading some of my papers, rereading one of the plays, imagining hypothetical questions, shopping at Kohl’s, and going to the gym. Now I’m just sitting on the couch watching The Golden Girls and waiting for some food to finish cooking.

Since my stress level is higher than the Capital building right now, I thought I’d get back to something I started at the beginning of the month, but since 10 is a good number, here are ten more ways to soothe your summer.

1. Say thank you.

It’s two simple words that are so easy to say. What the hell, add in a “so much” if you so desire. Don’t go overboard, but tell someone that you have appreciated something that they have done recently, and why. Or, just for being themselves. It’s free to do, doesn’t expire, and can spawn even more calm and happiness into the world.

2. Help out at an event, even when you’re not asked.

At this morning’s pancake breakfast, after the parents had left the school and the children were in class, I summoned over one of the teachers who wasn’t working at the moment and we put the rest of the milk in the fridge so it wouldn’t spoil. Granted, it was soy milk, which lasts for way longer than regular milk, but still, it was one less thing for someone else to do.

3. Buy someone else a gift.

Don’t go overboard with this one, but if the occasion merits, spend some extra time and money, get someone a gift, and make a plan to get it to them ASAP. Something little that can brighten someone’s day. It was easy for me to do today; my office mate and his wife had a baby two weeks ago, so I went to Kohl’s and got them a $25 gift card. We have our first staff meeting of the semester the day after tomorrow. I can’t wait to give it to him.

4. Buy yourself a nice outfit.

New year, new school, new duds. While I was at Kohl’s, I saw a few shirts and pants that looked nice, so I spent some time trying them on and texting out selfies to see which outfit I should buy. I found a long sleeved lavender Oxford with black dress pants, and then a short-sleeved green and white striped oxford with khakis. I ended up going with the second one, which got the better reviews anyway. I can’t decide whether I want to wear it to the staff meeting or the first day of school.

5. Light a new candle.

There was a green-apple-and-kale candle on the clearance shelf. It smells great. It’s burning right now. Unlike most scented candles, it’s a rather unobtrusive scent, and I can actually smell it several feet away, without leaning over it.

6. Make a meal, and eat it off of your nicest china with your nicest silverware.

Granted, I only have two sets of china and silverware (one meat and one dairy), but rather than going out for an expensive meal, I just finished eating some homemade herb-crusted tilapia and broccoli. Speaking of food…

7. Eat some vegetables.

I know, shocking coming from me, but I just heated up a broccoli/carrot/cauliflower mix in the microwave and ate it. Even though it’s not my favorite food group, it tasted fine and I probably got a few vitamins out of it as well. And on that note…

8. Rice is nice.

I just finished cooking some basmati rice, and it came out clumpy and firm just like I like it. I guess if you’re gluten-free, this might not be the best option for you, but it’s odd how something so insignificant can make you feel so normal.

9. Find something to look forward to.

While I was out, I saw a banner across the front of Barnes & Noble; Jennifer Chiaverini is doing a talk and a book signing in two weeks. And two weeks after that is the Wisconsin Salsa Festival in Milwaukee, with a pre-party in Madison. Maybe I’ll try out the new float spa this week or next, or go antiquing in Columbus.

10. When all else fails, Golden Girls.

Even when you’re feeling alone, Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia will always be there with something to say to make you laugh.

Good night everybody. Sleep tight and keep me in your prayers.