7

Candy Crushed

I originally published this on November 1st, but since I’m completely swamped with school and everything, I’m going to do what I always wanted to do, and add more info.

Maybe it’s our culture of excess, but seriously, everywhere I go, the giant family size (and which family, might I ask? the Duggars?) candy bars and candy bags are available. And the smaller sizes are not. It’s like Nestle and Hershey’s are run by a dentist/personal trainer conglomerate. Definitely not the people who run Abercrombie & Fitch.

All I wanted today was a small pack of Twizzlers, maybe three or four pieces.

Down in the candy aisle, the smallest package is about the size of three boxes of spaghetti. The candy bars are like surfboards. I could probably buy a bag of Hershey kisses and use them as a pillow on my next flight. Now, I understand the purpose of large bags of candy; they’re great for teachers, camp counselors, or Halloween. But if you’re only in the market for a small sweet treat for one, it’s damn near impossible.

Twenty minutes later, after scouring the whole store, I caved and bought the only size available, because I wanted Twizzlers that much. And that bag probably lasted me all of one hour, because I live alone, am a graduate student, and have no self-control.

Damn you, candy companies.

This is why China is beating us.

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8

Sugar Crazy

Hello, my name is That’s So Jacob.

And the reason you haven’t been seeing me around is because of SUGAR.

Yes, sugar.

It started on Sunday with the fudge cake, and continued with the care package my parents sent of Twizzlers (lasted all of three hours), Berger cookies (gone within a day, but thankfully shared with others) and not one but TWO huge packets of chocolate and vanilla wafers. Then there were the surprise donuts, and of course, some lattes thrown in for good measure.

Things I need to do:

1. Peel myself off the ceiling.

2. Eat something nutritious.

3. Settle down enough to do some homework.

4. Email probably a bajillion or so people I’ve been meaning to contact.

5. Make myself go to the gym…every day…for the rest of my life. (in my defense, though, I did go Monday and Tuesday, but yesterday I got too busy and today I ended up dancing until I was a sweaty hot mess).

GAH.