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Call Your Doctor if Your Annoyance Lasts for More Than Four Hours

Maybe it’s a function of watching reruns on Hallmark every night, but I’m getting so tired of seeing commercial after commercial advertising medicines. All with phone numbers and “please call your doctor.”

I mean, what is this all about? These commercials have been around for so long, and yet I don’t think I’ve met a single person who got on a medication after seeing it on a TV commercial. Well, I don’t think I’d know, but I feel like the kind of person who’d have done that is also the kind of person who would tell you about it.

Plus, there’s that gentle female voice reading you a laundry list of symptoms that sounds like a graduation ceremony at a private school for diseases. The commercial I saw tonight that got me thinking about this was for some anti-diabetic medicine, whose list of symptoms was so long and rushed that it took up the majority of the airtime. And what’s with all the background stock footage? A couple walking on a beach? An old man and a little boy fishing off a pier? A girl at her first piano recital? What do any of those have to do with anything?

Also, I hope you caught SNL last week, there was a bit starring Octavia Spencer, Leslie Jones, and Sasheer Zamata on medicine names. Sasheer played a character called Seasonique with a son named Dayquil. Who comes up with these things?

Anyway, now I’ve got a headache. Please excuse me while I get something to treat it. And by something, I mean a nice cold drink.

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3

Sticker Suck

So, yesterday, I was out running errands, and I parked my car in the parking lot of a nearby building. I come back, and there’s a GIANT yellow sticker on the windshield, saying something like “WARNING, you have parked in a private area, your license plate has been recorded, and next time you will be ticketed and/or booted at your expense.”

W. T. F.???

First of all, I was parked next to the visitor parking sign. NEXT to it.

Second, I was only there for an hour.

Third, who does that? Put a card under my windshield or something. What purpose does it serve you to put a giant sticker on my driver’s side window, out of which I have to see in order to operate my car, which I can’t do because of this opaque yellow rectangle obstructing my vision? Why? Why do you have to be that heartless?

I ended up driving around for the next few hours with it on, trying to peer around it while driving because this thing was not coming off with my fingernails. Eventually, I had to stop at a mechanic, who offered me a razorblade. Thank goodness that worked without ruining the glass. I still have an unsightly square of residue on my window, but…enough. People, why you gotta be so awful?