One Small Boat. Three Little Words. Five Smooth Stones.
Everyone’s read at least one in their life: an overly dramatic, too sappy memoir that is some person’s personal journey to emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual health/perfection/nirvana, and so can you. They show up in book clubs, on summer reading lists, and in psychiatrists’ waiting rooms. And they’re all equally annoying.
Well, guess what? Now, thanks to That’s So Jacob, you can have an instant best-seller with a personalized overly dramatic memoir about your life in a few simple steps!
Behold: That’s So Jacob’s Overly Dramatic Memoir Generator.
- Pick the first digit of your phone number. Mine is four.
- If you were born between January and June, pick a word that describes the first thing you touch with your left hand. If you were born between July and December, pick the first color you see when you look to the right. Mine is red.
- Pick the first item you see on the closest table to you. I just looked, and saw a pen.
Voila, I have a title. Four Red Pens.
Now the even more fun part: what’s your amazing, inspirational story? Now, think of your first and last names.
The first letter of your first name will correspond to your sorry-sounding adjective.
A: Lost
B: Teenage
C: Secret
D: Pregnant
E: Hidden
F: Long-Lost
G: Found
H: Orphaned
I: Changed
J: Runaway
K: Homeless
L: Innocent
M: War
N: Child
O: Rescued
P: Forgotten
Q: Saved
R: Abandoned
S: Broken
T: Imprisoned
U: Anorexic
V: Uncommon
W: Gifted
X: Violated
Y: Depressed
Z: Battered
Now, who are you? Take the first letter of your last name to find out who you are:
A: Runaway
B: Gym Teacher
C: Bride
D: Whore
E: Nun
F: Teenager
G: Centenarian
H: Midwife
I: Orphan
J: Hooker
K: Wife
L: Addict
M: Daughter
N: Son
O: Angel
P: Mother
Q: Veteran
R: Prostitute
S: Zombie
T: Thief
U: Robber
V: Criminal
W: Slave
X: Grandmother
Y: Queen
Z: Princess
So, my memoir would be:
Four Red Pens: I Was a Runaway Midwife
So, what’s your memoir? Let me know in the comments!
That’s So Jacob 
Heh…. I’m intrigued 😀
Here ya go!
Seven Blue Lighters, Anorexic Wife
Sassy! I smell a best-seller! If you like it, link me on your blog 🙂
Five Black Coin Jars: Memoirs of a War Midwife
Hahaha, this is one of the better name-based generators I’ve played with!
Thank you! Pass on the link or pingback if you like it enough to share it!
Thanks a ton for inviting me over to your blog Jacob! I’ve been laughing at this generator you’ve invented so much that I’m afraid I peed myself a little. I love it! 😀
My memoirs would definitely be a bestseller!
Zero Green Headphones: Memoirs of a Changed Mother
If had used my maiden name it would have been even better:
Zero Green Headphones: Memoirs of a Changed Criminal 😀
Your first digit is zero? That’s kinda odd…at least in America, it has to be 2-9. But zero makes it funnier, almost “One day I woke up, and my green headphones were gone. So were my children, and in their stead were drugs and alcohol. It was at that moment that I knew a) I needed to run out to Walgreens to get new headphones, and b) I needed to change.”
lol this was fun 🙂
8 Purple Lamps : Illuminations of a Lost Daughter
100 percent, would read!
Funny. Haven’t tried it yet, but I will!
Do it! BTW, do you want a letter?
Three Red Planners: A Broken Zombies Road to Organized Living
Zombies with planners? Hey, I guess we all gotta get organized somehow.
“Let’s see, I’ll eat this guy’s brains on Tuesday and then on Wednesday I’ll do some dramatic roaming around. Let me just jot all this down in my planner…”
A book in the making!
6 Grey Cups: Runaway Son … I guess I’m going to have a gender change soon! XD
….or it could be your journey to you now!
Lol! Three Brown Bottles – Memoirs of an Abandoned Gym Teacher!
“It was midnight in the coach’s office. Behind the paper curtains, I sat in the darkness with only the light of my computer screen, reflecting off of the codeine, the tanning oil, and the Diet Coke which had become the staples of my life…”
Lol!
Reblogged this on The Lonely Tribalist and commented:
Happy Sunday! Jacob’s got a fun game that generates the name of your overly dramatic memoir. Mine? Five Black Coin Jars: Memoirs of a War Midwife.
Haha, so head on over and try it out!
‘Seven metallic clutches: The story of a lost gym teacher’
Love it 🙂 This doesn’t even remotely make sense, but I would read it.
I’m glad to hear it! Reblog if you like me 🙂
Here’s your first line. “I couldn’t believe it. That was all that was found after the bus containing the girls’ volleyball squad plummeted sideways down the side of the hill. But honestly, did they think they were going to prom or something?”
Haha brilliant
Omg! This is so funny!
Mine is Seven Red Spectacle Cases: Forgotten Cenetarian
This is so weird! 😛
Weird good I hope! You could make a great memoir from that title.
Five Pink Ribbons: I was a Runaway Daughter. I’m feeling teen angst, maybe a highway chase.
Go for it!
Go for it! And thanks for reblogging!
Here is your first line. “I turned the corner onto Bay Street, and dove headfirst into Mrs. Henderson’s hydrangea bush. What an idiotic thing to do, I said to myself, and as I tried to extricate myself from all the thorns, I couldn’t help but notice that the iron gate leading to my parent’s front walkway was adorned with something familiar…
Reblogged this on Jennifer Moore Stories and commented:
Reblogged at Jennifer Moore Stories . My readers will love it!
Nine Blue Beanies: Pregnant Midwife. Hmmm….Not sure fits me, but it was fun! 🙂
::shrug::
Four Notebook Flash Drive: A Memoir of a Homeless Gym Teacher……… I can see it now, as I stand in my tube socks, a flash drive as my only way to keep my story with me…..
That’s the spirit!
Hi Jacob! I did it – 8 Grey Teacups: I was a hidden midwife. I would love to read that one! x
Zero Glass Phone: I Was A Lost Runaway.
Wow. It sounds kinda’ sad and empty! Perhaps it would be one of those books that you use under the leg of a wonky table to prop it up.
Aww, don’t sell yourself short! I’m sure it would be better than Wild Animus.
One Pink Painting: The Vivid Memoir Of An Orphaned Whore.
^^ am DEFINITELY making this into a #1 NYT Bestseller one day! *gasp* THANK YOU!
Autographed copy pour moi?
As well as title credit!
🙂 thanks!
Pingback: Best of That’s So Jacob from Year 3 | That’s So Jacob
Zero Purple Sleeping Pills: Lost Wife.
:’)
Reblogged this on Inked Brownies and commented:
Due to going on a trip to meet up with Cindy today and getting stuck in a massive traffic jam on the way back home (welcome to Holland!), there won’t be a bookish post from me this Monday. Cindy and I have definitely been getting our review modes on though today, only this time, it involved some people’s poor fashion choices :’) (while I was wearing my smothering yellow hiking boots from the ’90’s while it was 28 degrees outside).
Because I’ll be in the hospital tomorrow (hence, no post either then), I thought I wouldn’t leave you lot without something fun, at least.
So here’s a post from That’s So Jacob which I thoroughly enjoyed: The Overly Dramatic Memoir Generator!.
My memoir would be called: Zero Purple Sleeping Pills: the Lost Wife That’s some pretty deep shit eh? What are yours? 😀
This is fabulous.
Six Black Coffees: Homeless Midwife in Training
I think my new goal in life is to have nothing to do with this memoir title. *shivers*
My brothers is better though: Four Brown Napkins: A Runaway Midwife
Thanks, Kate! If you liked this post, reblog it or tell a friend!
Zero Glass Mouse: Memoirs of a Homeless Centenarian
Reblogged this on thistleyroses and commented:
Ever wanted your own hit memoir title? Try this 😉
Mines was “Zero Glass Mouse: Memoirs of a Homeless Centenarian”
Pingback: Books & Bottles | Book Reviews and Wine Pairings