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Open, Open Damned Bag

It’s been a long week so far, and I haven’t been too inspired to write…well, much of anything. I don’t really know why. But I need to be writing more, in general, so I thought I’d just let out what’s on my mind today.

I feel like I may have written about this before, so apologies if this sounds familiar.

Both yesterday and today, I bought something that came in one of those Zip-Loc pouches that you have to cut or tear before you can easily pop open. Or, I mean, “easily.” Both times, I cut/tore the plastic, only to not be able to get into the bag. One I eventually pried open with my nails, but for the other one I actually had to go in with scissors and make an incision, which meant I had to eat the whole thing because it didn’t really close all the way. Is there a more annoying sensation than wanting to get into a bag that’s designed to be easy to open, and having to resort to near violence to get at the treats inside? What did we do in a past life to deserve this? I mean, if the bag is designed to be easy to open, actually make it easy to open. Or tell us to cut it open.

Anyway. I ended up getting to enjoy the snacks eventually.

How are you doing?

3

Things Adults Should Get A Medal For

This is either a statement of me accepting my reality, or getting way too into The Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo.

So, here’s the preliminary list.

  1. Putting on pants before 3 PM.
  2. Shopping before midnight.
  3. Paying a bill with a check in an envelope with a stamp.
  4. Finishing a bag of lettuce before it all goes bad.
  5. Eating the recommended amounts of fruits and vegetables each day.
  6. Drinking the recommended amount of water each day.
  7. Keeping plants alive for more than a week.
  8. Complimenting other peoples’ children even when they don’t deserve it.
  9. Resisting the urge to eat all the desserts (no medal for me today).
  10. Deleting dating apps from your phone.
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Why I Live in a Fantasy World

I feel like it all started in elementary school. One of my teachers used the expression “tricks up my sleeve,” and I thought she actually was hiding things in the sleeve of her Ann Taylor blouse. But in my adolescent mind, I totally thought that sleeves were where people actually hid things.

Since then, it’s all been fantasy.

I guess I’m just kind of that way. It makes life more interesting.

2

What To Do When You Have No Friends

Not all of us are lucky enough to live with friends. Or even have them. But there can be a way around that…in a roundabout way.

So, last night, I wanted to watch a video online that was thirty minutes long, but I also needed to make some (ratchet) dinner. Most of what I wanted out of the video was actually what they were saying (it was a video of two guys talking and playing video games) rather than the visual, so I chrome-casted my computer to my TV. When I do that, it uses the TV volume, so it ends up being extraordinarily loud. And unlike TV, the sound on a YouTube video is not always so filtered out. Therefore, with the volume cranked up, you can hear breathing, chairs squeaking, noisy eating, and any background noises – the stuff that is excised from most television shows. And if I closed my eyes, I could imagine that there were actually two guys playing video games behind me as I cooked. I can usually hear my neighbors and all the noisy noise they and their friends make almost every night, so I imagined all my neighbors walking past my place, jealous of all the video gaming and fun going on in apartment 803.

In other news, has anyone seen that new commercial for the Princess Diana documentary? It’s weird that they have the horror-movie “one dark and scary night voice” to voice-over advertisements about a (mostly) positive documentary on her life.

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The Epitome of a Slow Salsa

11 PM, the night before my final 120 class.

In reality: In Memorial Library study lab, grading papers, grading Emoji essays, gearing up for tomorrow’s discussion sections.

In my mind: …one two three…five six seven…just want to dance…(also, doesn’t help any that my iPhone just started playing “Vivir Lo Nuestro.”)

The epitome of a sad salsa.

So sad, but I just wanna dance…